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Seeking approval is a trap you might fall into because it validates your worth. The real problem lies in looking for it in the wrong places.
Moms and women in general love getting together at a coffee shop. I love going to a coffee shop and working for a couple of hours on my laptop. On one occasion, young moms were stopping in after picking up their children from preschool. They were chatting and enjoying each other’s fellowship.
They were chatting and laughing which reminded me of when my kids were little and I got together with other moms for a homeschool event.
It’s healthy for the soul to get together with other moms no matter what your age. Socializing on the internet doesn’t quite cut it.
Although, whether you’re working, at church, or meeting up with other moms, be careful of where you find your approval!
When You Don’t Value Yourself
You probably have never thought about approval validation before. You’re likely not even aware of your motives when looking for approval.
It all starts with the comparison game that we play in our heads.
As soon as you arrived at the Bible study you were suddenly feeling like your choice of clothes was all wrong. You started feeling uncomfortable in your own skin.
What’s the issue here? You were comfortable at home. Or were you?!
When you don’t value yourself, one of the things you start doing is comparing yourself to other women. You are no longer satisfied with who you are.
You might have been fed the lie as a young girl or married woman that you are not enough in some way.
You were taught a lie! You are a beautiful daughter of your Father God. He cares deeply for you!
If any of these things happened to you at any time in your life, You’re probably struggling and don’t feel valued.
Your Heart Seeks Approval
I’d like to think of myself as ‘good‘ because I did so many wonderful things in my life. Not so!!
That’s what my heart wants to tell me and if you’re honest and truthful, your heart tells you the same thing.
What is important to remember is that the heart is the same as it ever was and is desperately wicked!
“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9
You’ll likely not even realize that your heart is seeking approval and validation in a totally wrong way. It’s like a dog barking up the wrong tree.
We live in a new culture that seeks the approval of others every single day. Think about it.
What do you do once you’re barely out of bed? Do you start scrolling through Facebook or another social platform?
You might not do this yourself but have you seen posts where people are seeking approval in some way? We love getting those emoji reactions from our friends. It can be fun and entertaining and bring down your cortisol levels.
Many times a person is looking for approval to affirm their self-worth because they feel inadequate.
Let’s become more aware of our own motives as we go through our day.
Let’s replace where you look for approval. Instead let’s look to God to say, “Well done” at the end of the day.
Seeking Worth in All the Wrong Places
There is a balance in everything and it’s not that seeking approval is always wrong. It all boils down to who our worth is credited to.
There is an interesting example of how we practice good things (or righteousness) before others.
“Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 6:1
Are you praying just as fervently when you’re totally alone as when you’re at church and everybody is listening? In other words, would you pray the same if you were alone in a closet?
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. Matthew 6:5
Craving the praise of other women for the sake of looking good is not the best place to build your worth.
Israel’s Misguided Desire for Approval
The prophet Jeremiah didn’t care what people thought of him. He rebuked Israel’s misguided desire for approval.
For My people have committed two evils:
They have forsaken Me,
The fountain of living waters,
To hew for themselves cisterns,
That can hold no water. Jeremiah 2:13
Craving praise from other moms is like a pot that cannot hold water.
That was why Jesus told his disciples HOW TO pray. He knows too well that we have the propensity of twisting HOW TO fast and pray.
Our hearts are so deceitful and wicked that we can twist the simplest of activities. Even prayer and fasting into something to gain praise from our friends.
Whose Approval Validates Your Worth?
Assuming that you fall into this trap just like me, How do you stop the habit of looking to validate your approval from other women?
I can be at a church event and talk with my friends in a fun animated way. I am assuming they like me. I sure hope they do.
What I desperately need to do is examine my heart and ask God to take a look inside my heart!
In all the things we do and say, our goal ought to be to seek approval and validation of our worth in Christ, not ourselves.
Is not the most effective way of bridling my delight in being made much of, to focus on making much of God? John Piper
Finding Your Worth in God
When you find your worth in God, you’ll find unimaginable joy!
When your approval is found in God, you’ll have a deeper source of lasting worth.
Living life with the ultimate goal and deepest desire to be found in Christ, you will find all the happiness you ever wanted. Not because your life is going perfectly but because your life is being lived for the glory of God.
When you seek approval from Jesus Christ, your motives will be in alignment and your worth validated according to God’s values.
He loves you with an everlasting love and his deepest desire is for you to have your worth in Him!