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In a marriage crisis, you might wonder if you married the right man. Doubts grow into something huge as you question the validity of remaining in the relationship.
We are all seeking stability and dreaming of a romance made in heaven.
But what should you do when the honeymoon ended only a week after your wedding day?
My husband and I were not married that long when we had our first major issue. I am clueless about what the problem was but I do remember the raw emotion of that intense moment.
Worst of all, I thought I was the only wife on the planet to have such intense marital issues! There is nothing worse than feeling alone and erroneously thinking no other married couple ever had an argument before.
Reasons to Ditch Your Marriage
I have the most wonderful husband and we have been married for years. Neither of us had been married before or been in any serious relationship. Also for the record, we had not been cohabitating before our marriage.
There are a gazillion reasons that men and women ditch their marriages today. I am not going to go into the reasons, except to say that God takes marriage seriously.
Marriage is complicated and my purpose today is to equip you with encouragement and reasons why you married the right man.
My reasons are simple.
But . . .
If you ever struggle in your marriage, you must be willing to swim upstream in a culture bent on throwing in the towel simply for incompatibility.
To be honest, my husband and I are totally incompatible.
He says it’s blue and I will probably think it’s red! We get ourselves in the most tangled messes and go around and around in verbal circles.
But should we have gotten a divorce long ago?
If anyone had a reason to leave their husband it would have been me. Yet, I firmly believe that would have been very wrong to do.
I have learned so many lessons by staying married to the same man!
I actually believe that there is NO REASON to ditch your husband (unless for safety or your husband leaves you)
Marriage takes two to tango but it also takes two to stay married!
If your husband is unsaved or saved and willing to stay married to you, then do everything you possibly can to turn your marriage into the best one ever.
Before You Got Married
Before you got married, you probably had a list of qualities that would qualify the right man.
I know I did!
I wanted my future husband to be a Christian who loved basketball and played the guitar. I hoped that he would be of Asian descent and did not want him to be blond!
What can I say? I was young and shallow!
As it turned out my husband was blond as could be! He played soccer and not the guitar. In fact, he didn’t play an instrument at all.
In retrospect, it would have been better to desire much deeper qualities in a future husband. Actually, it would be best to concentrate on becoming the godly woman that my husband needed.
You are going to be learning how to turn things around in your marriage by becoming the wife of his dreams.
I share out of my own experiences which included everything spiraling downward over and over again.
A few years back, we were at the point where honestly, we did not have the feelings for each other that would make a marriage thrive.
It IS possible to turn everything around. You have to be willing to put a tremendous amount of work into the mix but you canNOT do it without God working on your behalf too.
4 Reasons Why You Married the Right Man
Before marriage, most young women contemplate the qualifications for the right man to marry. Marriage is an extremely serious step and it’s right to think about the character traits of your future husband.
At this point either a man qualifies or does not.
For a Christian, it says in 1 Corinthians 7:39 that you are to marry ‘only in the Lord.’ In other words, only someone who is saved.
1. Once you are married, the right man to marry is the name of the person on your marriage license!
Something changes after you get married because the right man BECOMES the one you married.
There is a reason for that because, Genesis 2:24 (which is the foundational text for marriage) it says, that a man and woman leave their mother and father and become one flesh. Paul states that “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”
2. God created a bond between you and your husband once you got married!
Marriage is a picture of the covenant-faithfulness of Christ to His church and your marriage illustrates that to those around you.
Even if you married an unbeliever, after you are married you stay married to him.
3. For better or worse you stay married to your spouse!
Even when your situation is difficult you stay married to him because that is the only relationship where you can demonstrate the covenant relationship between Christ and the church.
In a culture where Christians have a divorce rate that is almost as high as non-believers, it has become almost normal to think nothing of a marriage relationship ending. I have more friends who are divorced or who have remarried after being divorced. Apparently, this has become normal.
There isn’t much you can do when your husband has an affair and chooses to leave you.
There is nothing more you can do to save your marriage at this point.
I am here to encourage and love those friends. In case you think I’m coming on hard about divorce, many of my closest friends are divorced. They never chose to have their marriage end.
God is merciful and offers grace to those in situations where a marriage ends and we need also to offer grace to our friends.
If you are still married and your life is difficult, what the phrase ‘Till death do us part’ means is that you promised to stay married through thick and thin.
If your husband is willing to stay married despite all the difficulties you may experience in your marriage, you can work hard to improve your marriage.
My marriage was in a terrible place and has turned around for the better and is no longer ‘for worse.’
If I can experience healing in our marriage, so can you!
4. Till death do us part!
When you stick it out with your husband through the hard years, each of you mellows as you learn to live more peaceably with each other.
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:17-18
The blessing comes after you have learned to work through the ‘worst part!’
My husband and I have definitely had many days that were less than the best. Marriage has its very hard moments and according to the ‘world’, we had grounds for divorce.
That sounds shocking but really, I don’t think we ever had grounds for divorce.
You don’t even need a reason for divorce today other than you no longer like your man because he was never the right man!
The best way to survive all the bad days in your marriage and live to enjoy it is to become a praying wife!
If you would just hang in there and commit to the long haul in DOING YOUR PART to make life with your man better, in the months ahead, you might see a miracle starting to happen.
Thing is, you are sinful and more than half the problem.
Even if your man is spending too much money or not leading your family as he should . .. nothing is too hard for God.
When I started looking at my own sin instead of my husband’s, I started taking baby steps in the right direction toward change.
You might not agree with me because you might feel like things are too hopeless in your marriage.
I do know, that is exactly what it felt like for me. I am not going to go into the juicy details to prove how miraculous it has been to be married to the right man.
Because . . .
Your situation is different than mine and I want you to see how God can be the God of the impossible in your marriage relationship!
I would honestly say that when I married my husband, he was the wrong man and I was the wrong girl! We were young and not spiritually mature.
One of the reasons God doesn’t give easy-outs in marriage is because he knows that both you and your husband need to do a LOT of transforming.
God uses marriage to transform both people into the right man and the right woman for the glory of God!
The best place to start in becoming the RIGHT WOMAN for your man is to become a praying wife!
Have you struggled in your marriage and thought your husband was the wrong man? How has this article changed your thinking?