Do you need to rebuild your marriage? If you are struggling, there are answers in the Bible that most marriage counselors and friends might not tell you about!
Divorce touched the lives of countless friends as yet another marriage fell apart.
This doesn’t have to be you! It starts with renewing your own heart and spirit.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
I have written to encourage you in your marriage because I really feel that most Christian couples who are finding themselves ‘incompatible’ could have saved their failing marriage!
If you are struggling in your marriage, I am encouraging you to do everything possible to turn it around.
Cleaving When You’d Rather Be Leaving
Through wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established;
By knowledge the rooms are filled, With all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3-4
Both my husband and I have extremely strong values when it comes to staying married.
When we got married, we vowed ‘for better or worse’ but never dreamed that there would often be more ‘worse’ than ‘better.’
Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 15:5-6
When we got married, we were totally smitten and thought we were in love. If the truth be known, I think we knew nothing about love and everything about ourSELF!
Life can become a pretty mess when you vow to stick it out no matter how bad ‘worse’ becomes!
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
The easiest way out is to leave instead of cleaving.
But in the long run that is never ever the solution to your marriage no matter how bad you think it is!
When you are at odds with each other, you don’t even want to touch let alone cleave!
After years and years of frequently having a difficult relationship, these are the things that I decided to do.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
I can’t speak for my husband because I had ‘my part’ to be concerned about.
Whether my husband ‘changed’ or not was really not my concern!
My responsibility to God was my part.
My neglect in loving my husband.
One thing I can tell you is that I had absolutely NO desire to DO any of these things.
My heart was just not ‘in’ it.
My heart had been hurt zillions of times in the years we had been married.
My heart was stone cold towards my man.
A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26
If you have always had marital bliss, I am so happy for you! Share this with a friend as so many women are hurting.
Better yet, save it for when you do have a rough day so that you respond the right way, in the power of the Spirit. Satan really wants to destroy marriages so never think yourself above ever having issues spring up in your relationship.
The Things You Can DO to Rebuild Your Marriage
- Read books that will rebuild your marriage.
- Meet your husband at the door when he comes home.
- Make food your man loves.
- Give him chocolates with a love note tucked under each chocolate.
- Print the Marriage Scripture Sheet with 6 Bible verses and implement them in your marriage.
- Pray those 6 Bible verses daily over your marriage.
Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 1 John 5:14
I am not kidding you when I say that none of this had any effect on my husband when I first started doing them!
When you damage a relationship with your words and actions, the other person at first doesn’t see you as any different.
So, don’t give up too easily. In fact, don’t ever ever give up because, in the end, it is totally worth it.
Renewing My Mind Through Books
Society has put the wrong scripting into women’s minds about their role in marriage. The books I read helped to rescript my mind and my thoughts. It is our thoughts that come out as actions, so this is very important.
It was fun watching Fireproof but even better to put those ideas into action by reading The Love Dare.
Of all the many books I read on marriage, it gave me real things to do to improve my hurting marriage.
I should read it again!
Meet Your Husband at the Door
When your marriage is on the rocks and you are struggling, to do the things to improve your relationship, meeting your husband at the door just doesn’t feel good.
Maybe he’d rather not see you either!
I know it shouldn’t be like this but there is a reason that we so desperately need grace!
When marriage is on the rocks, it becomes like a ‘war room’ instead of the husband and wife entering the war room of grace to wage war on Satan!
We get everything backward. So, whether you feel like it or not, meet your husband at the door and at some eventual time, your feelings will follow.
Do what’s right!
Make Food Your Man Loves
It is easy to get into ruts when your kids are growing up and survival is the only thing happening.
When my marriage struggled most was when life was a blessing with many children creating noise and sometimes chaos. I can’t lie!
It is easier to just somehow get supper on the table.
It is better to plan out your menu (and yes, I used to do this by the week and often by the month) and have a plan in action that will make for a happy man!
Give Him Chocolates with a Love Note
And yes. I did this!!
Tuck love notes underneath each chocolate that leave a sexy provocative tease!
I love Kevin Leman’s books on marriage. My favorite two books were Sex Begins in the Kitchen and Have a New Husband by Friday.
There is nothing better than to keep your marriage hot and sizzling! Who said that a Christian marriage was supposed to be boring?!
Print and Pray the 6 Marriage Bible Verses
Doing all those wonderful things is great but won’t cut it if your marriage foundation isn’t built on Jesus Christ.
It is powerful to pray the things each verse talks about over your marriage. The evil one is influential but not as powerful as the Lord Jesus Christ.
I am challenging you to print off the sheet of marriage Bible verses and start by memorizing each one over the next six weeks.
* The Bible verses used in this post are available on a FREE PRINTABLE .
If you take one verse each week and spend time memorizing it each day in your quiet time, you will have them committed to memory in no time.
Then each day of each week, I would like to encourage you to pray the verse.
God loves when we pray back to Him what is in His Word!!
During the last 3 years, it has been incredible how I have grown in my relationship with my husband. We don’t struggle near as much as we once did.
Doing these things really did help my marriage to make a huge turn-around. It took perseverance and patience and a whole lot of changing on my part.
You can do this too in the Lord’s strength!!
Let me know how I can pray for you in your marriage. You aren’t alone as I have been there before and am here to coach you going forward.